guise

judging by the number of stars i see
it's got to be getting late
it just has to be.
i'm not even outside and i can see stars
maybe it's the side affects
may be.
or i'm tired.
maybe both.

i'm very content writing for hours
about how i love her
how she loves me.
how i miss her.
how she misses me.

i know her. and i miss her.
like a bad taste in my mouth.
she is that close to my heart.
she punishes my senses

that muscle in my chest
it beats with unrest
and rightfully so
she is however the most beautiful woman
i have ever known.
not so much in the guise that you should naturally see
but so much more
even though i can see nothing but...
...the most beautiful woman i have ever seen.
a woman like this you will never see
you can see this one, but you'll never know
walk right by her
she'll be just another girl.
because this is my fairytale
and you're just not in the text.
don't think for one second you change me for the best...

it's in her eyes
it's in the wind that walks through her hair
it's the smile bigger than this universe
and shines brighter too if you asked me.
...and you didn't

but i cannot fool myself
she is down there
and i am...here

GOD DO AWAY WITH ME!
...God...do away with me.
if i'm just so foolish
if i'm just so blind
there's no way that's the truth
she is down there
i am up here
nothing.
happens.

i'm so blind.
i've exchanged eyes
with lies or maybe just a heart in disguise
either way.

i love her.

circle takes square

i've divorced feelings of inadequecies
conquerred months of pain and suffering
mourned the loss of family, friends, loved ones...

and an ex-girlfriend still tends the fields of thoughts in my brain...

can someone please pass the irony?
i'm sorry i just find it morbidly ironic that:
this one person (my ex)
that has caused me so much pain
so much sufferring, doubt, confusion, mistrust...
not to mention spiritual second-guessing...

i find it ironic that she can still have residence in my heart.

where's the logic mr. spock?
"the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one."
isn't that what you said in various star trek movies?
well, i'm sure there are many that would like to have my heart
so her needs would be outwieghed by theirs right?
i agree that sounds conceited
but as i've written somewhere before (probably myspace)
i will find my perfect match some day
because she is looking for me
the ridiculous part i didn't stop to think about was...
what if she found me, and i was too stupid and inhabited by old girlfriends...huh?!
or, what if my old girlfriend is the one for me?

well the bell just rang so i can leave high school now....back to reality

i'm lonely.
i'm busy.
i'm tired.
i want love.

i want love.

and i'm scared to death
that i'll never find it
or that it's passed me by

-jw